After some time, and I'm not quite certain why, I thought that I'd like to see a bout again. This time, husband-free (as we had separated nearly a year before), I snagged one of my best friends, Michelle, to go with me. I loved it as much as the first time and Michelle was interested, too. I was particularly enraptured by Blaze and how fast and agile she was on the track. I leaned forward, grinning at it all. As if it was the first time I've seen it.
Yup, then and there I decided again that I wanted to be on the team. I emailed the
Assault City site to get the information about derby and in August I was at the second fresh meat practice, flanked by Michelle and my longest-loved best friend, LoriLee. We fell on our asses several times and I ended up spraining my wrist (as we were without gear just then). Michelle decided it wasn't for her and would rather cheer us on. Lori and I continued.
Let me backtrack a moment about LoriLee. We've been friends since high school, though we fell out of touch for some years in between. She is a tall woman, with a temper and can lay anyone out if they messed with her (or with me) and I love her to pieces. Anyway, I was terribly excited about joining derby and we went to
Black Mamba Skate Park just to roller skate a bit before I started practicing (to see if I really wanted to). Well, after a couple hours skating wobbly circles, we were both smiling and happy. Roller skating was fun! Who knew? I tried convincing Lori to try out roller derby with me but she was on the fence about it all, so off I went the morning of practice. Unexpectedly, she showed up to that practice the same day as Michelle and I (but that part is her story...) and she had never even seen a bout. We went to the home bout the following weekend with my cousin, Jenna, who I also think will make an excellent derby girl (but again, another story for another time).
Again, Lori and I continued with it. This after a large vet bill nearly made me quit (I didn't have the money for gear) and I had to skip the fourth practice. I was crying because I wanted to stay but, nonetheless, that morning I emailed Crazy D(iamond), the derby veteran who was heading fresh meat, to let her know I wouldn't be practicing any more. Later that morning, Lori texted me about what they learned and told me that we were "The Breakfast Club" and her given fresh meat name was Coffee Cake. Aww, I want a fresh meat name, too! I emailed Crazy D again to inform her that I was being hasty and wanted to know my fresh meat name - CinnaBun. Ahh, so perfect. It's amazing to me that the one thing that kept me going at that time was just knowing I had a fresh meat name.
The next few months we learned to hit, jump, weave, squat, and block on skates. The night before the skills test in November, I stayed up till 4 am (for no reason I couldn't have done another time) and woke back up at 7am. Ugh... I didn't drink any water and wasn't able to rest to help with the fatigue. Needless to say I was shaky and unfocused. I fell during almost every tested skill. I failed miserably (though I passed the written test with flying colors). The retest was a few weeks from then and I learned to better my form and slow my crossovers. As such, I passed more skills, added 3 laps to the 25 I needed in 5 minutes and still failed.
Frustrated, I felt like giving up several times over those months. But I didn't. Well, I missed some practices in December (nearly the whole month) and started up again in January. But I never gave up. I went to a few practices in January and then carpooled to a speed skating lesson with some of the other derby girls on Saturday morning. It was a huge help to me. Further improving my form, keeping my head up ("If you look down, you'll fall down") and nearly keeping pace with some of the vets. It was a good morning.
Lastly, I find, and hate admitting, that I'm scared. Of what? I don't know... Scared of hurting myself. Scared of failing. Scared of what? Yesterday's practice was a good one (aside from forgetting my helmet and mouth guard for the first time ever). I didn't fall once. I kept my head up and looking where I was going. At some point while skating 9 laps (then 8, then 7...) I was looking up and watching the skaters in front of me and kept pace with them. I felt like I was on a train, moving with everyone else, and my feet were pushing me along for the ride. It was an amazing feeling and I felt faster than I had ever before.
That said, I have some skills I need to practice on my own time (like hitting and falling) and I need to improve my speed (and ensure I can complete the 25 laps in 5 minutes), but I have confidence the next skills test I will be prepared for. Then I will no longer be CinnaBun, I will be Cynnister.
I wonder why I feel socks were a relevant subject now. They seem so trivial. But, honestly, they're not. They bring my spirits up when I'm least expecting it and I see them peeking out under my pants. They remind me of who I am, both Cindy and Cynnister, and in some strange way keep my mind there. Different objects to different people can evoke such feelings. I'm certain everyone has something they love or they keep with them to bring them to a different place. One of their childhood, their marriage, their children, their inner strength, their whole selves... What objects do you have that remind you? That lift you up? That bring you back to earth?
