52 Things/Week 5: Buy an Unusual Color of Eye Make-Up

$3 at Five Below

Week 5 is a twofer!  Since I failed to read through a whole book during the week of Christmas (next time I know to choose a less busy week) I needed to double up on a week.  This wasn't expected now, but it's working out nicely!  On to the blogging! 

Why did I even put this on my list of 52 Things?  I ask myself this, actually.  I think I wanted to do this because it was a small way to step outside my comfort zone.  And, oddly, it might be one of the scariest things on my list.  At least, one of the most uncomfortable.  I say this because I could always imagine having more tattoos, skydiving, rock climbing kick boxing,...  This is one of the few things that I truly feel uncomfortable about.  I have a certain identity about myself.  A way I really look and a way I want to look.  Well, I'm comfortable with what I wear for make-up.  I have a certain color to smear on my lids...  Usually neutrals.  Never sparkles.

Well, Friday night I picked up a 10-pack of eye make up - bright colors and sparkles.  On Saturday, all day, I wore it.  Now, you might not think this is no biggie, but it make all the difference in my day.  Oddly, the little bit of red and orange sparkle on my lids made me realize how many other things, physically, that I've been complacent with.  I went to lunch with a friend then when I left I didn't feel quite like going home.  I wanted a haircut... Nothing drastic, just a little bit of something to smooth things out.  I still wanted to enjoy the day and decided that I needed new dress pants for work... So I went clothes shopping.  That trip brought me such joy.

You see, I've been living in a world where I weigh 245 lbs; not in reality where I am 60 lbs lighter.  On that trip to lunch, and the subsequent trips for a hair cut and shopping, I realized...  I was just then wearing size 18 jeans cinched up with a white camouflage belt I borrowed from my son.  During the week I would wear size 16 pants to work and allow them ride on my hips a bit (I have plenty of hip for that).  I realized that I'm not dressing my size, I'm dressing bigger.  I feel bigger and mentally think I'm still 245 lbs.  When I went shopping, I didn't allow myself to try on any pants bigger than a 14 or shirts bigger than a large.  I ended up with a blouse, vest, two sweaters, 3 casual shirts, five pairs of dress pants, and a pair of shoes.  I felt amazing.  Everything smaller.  The start to a new work wardrobe and the feeling of truly being the 185 lb Cindy that I am.  It was so liberating that when I got home, I started to weed out the clothing that no longer fit me, that I didn't particularly love, and that was no longer "gently" worn (I beat the hell outta my clothes).  It was time to purge these things and I am continuing to do so this week... All because of a bit of sparkle on my eyelids.

It's amazing what one step outside of your comfort zone can create.